two things more than you do

I guess there's something disquieting about how the enthusiasm 7th graders have for learning vanishes within 4 years. I guess it's culture that teaches homework is a chore. But honestly I know I felt the same way in 11th grade. I'm attempting some pretty poignant reflection here. Why self. It's not like I couldn't have really done the work if I wanted to. And I knew that most of the time. At least I knew that was true with English/Art/Social Studies. And I never did ridiculously poorly or something, but I certainly wasn't an honors student. I guess at some point this mindset rushed in that this was all a joke, that teachers were fools, and my classmates were tools. I don't know, that's all I can remember really. Even some projects in art I just phoned in. I was caught up in other things I think. I was really into writing poetry in highschool. I remember doing that while I was supposed to be doing other things. Which isn't so bad, but why not excel while I was at it. I wish someone would have taken me aside and been like, "hey come on, step up here".

Tonight I came home from school and put a load of laundry in, filled the dishwasher, wiped down the counters, and got straight back to doing schoolwork. My dad said we were out of coffee and bread and I said I'd run to the store to pick some up later if he gave me money. He agreed and I said I'd go when I got more work done. So I'm writing a lesson plan in the basement and I hear him on the phone with my aunt/grandma saying "yeah I gave her money, we'll see what she comes back with." Okay. I can only assume this to mean that with the meager $10 I'm sure he'd give me that I would come back with what? A box of donuts and a box of exlax? A pack of sprinkles and two rolls of cookie dough? A hunk of tofu and hubba bubba? Like okay. I don't understand what the implication was but, not not not good and it was patronizing as hell. So I walked upstairs and told him I had too much to do to go so he should just drive down if he needed coffee so bad. What else would any self-respecting person do in that situation. Serious question. I need advice.

This morning I fell really gracefully. I just realized I was going to fall and allowed my knee to catch my fall. Most of the time you don't want people to see you fall. But man, someone should have applauded. I looked around afterwards. I wanted to put my hands it the air like a gymnist.