I feel like I'm always waiting for someone to leave or missing someone. I'm never really happy with my surroundings. And even if I am, it's just ending, maybe in the sense that it's ending in a couple hours, a couple weeks, a couple months. Whatever, everythings always ending. And while things are ending, I'm always waiting for some perfect moment to happen, ususally in the context of a ideal circumstances.
I sang happy birthday to my brother tonight with all my aunts and my grandma and parents. It was weird to think he's an adult now, I guess. My grandma told me how she was cleaning out her cupboards of all the dishes she'd use to make food for more than one person. We're all just alone right?
When I've felt like I needed to be upset lately I've just been getting this fantastic chest pain. I kind of cover my heart with my hand and count all the ways I don't care. I looked at pictures of Maggie in the basement for way too long tonight. My grandma said she'd give me her purple plate set. I wore my St. Christopher pendant on the drive back to Ship.
I don't know why I always drive to Bard to be alone when I could just stay home. It's never like I enjoy it. On the plus side, I brought my fuzzy warm purple blanket back and bought my favorite herbal tea. I waited all summer for an excuse to get warm.
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1 comment:
i like that line... "I waited all summer for an excuse to get warm."
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