The semester is over. I can't say that I feel any particular way. On one hand, every class felt like a waste of my time, so I'm glad I don't have to be in them anymore. But also, it means that it's soon going to be spring semester. I still haven't made a committment to this teaching stuff. I don't feel up to Methods, mostly because I don't want to do the work. Also, I don't really want to be a teacher, but I'm at a loss as to what I'd do if not get a job teaching. I'm going to have loans to pay off, but I don't know if I have this in me. It's really frustrating, and time is really up for this decision. I think, I guess not. I don't have anyone to help talk me through it. My parents don't get it, and I feel like all the professors/advisors are just annoyed by me. I don't want to make them have to give a shit about me when I don't give a shit about myself.
Working at Panera has been good since I'm making moneys, and I'm sure I'll get tons of hours over break. I just feel like I'm jumping through hoops though. I am really though, right? I wish I could say that I'm suicidal, or something dramatic, but no. I'm just frustrated with where I am because I know I could be so much better.
I was talking to Alex today and he said I just don't seem like myself in some regards. He's right, and I'm so annoyed with myself.
I am also currently obsessed, yes, really obsessed with the Smiths & Morrissey. I really just feel like every song makes perfect sense and connects to me. I just totally get it Morrissey, we're on the same page.
I've spent so long not writing anything, including blogging, because I can't say I'm even interested in what I have to say. Hopefully this break will clear my head.
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