I just liked you more

More No One quotes. And brief updates.

I wondered if I would spend the rest of my life inventing complicated ways to depress myself.

It doesn't really feel like driving when you don't know where you're going. There should be an option on the car from driving in place, like treading water.

I knew all about those things that weren't very hungry; my life was full of them.

I pretended I was from another country and couldn't read her body language.

I fell into the eyes of every person I passed on the street.

How does anyone ever let go of anything?

I felt like I could go this forever, because nothing mattered more than anything else.

One thing I could do was pray. I prayed while I looked into his eyes, and my prayer was Hello, hello, hello.

This is a quality that I look for in a person, not recoiling.

Life is easy. What I meant was, Life is easy with you here, and when you leave, it will be hard again.

I've sort of accepted that Bard is over. I miss my desk. And my pictures. And my bed, and how close my bed was to my desk. And how it was mine mine mine. And I sort of want to fall to the ground and cry about how it's gone and how I destroyed it and tore it apart and I'll never go back there again. Because I didn't get to decide when it ended, that other things decided for me. And I didn't get to decide when I didn't get to see Jen everyday anymore, that other things decided for me. And so I realize that I knew this was going to happen, but also I didn't know or else I wouldn't have ever slept or been upset ever. I would have just always gripped my walls and been happy. But it's over now and I'm an adult so no, I'm not laying on the floor kicking my feet in the air and my hands against the carpet. I'm reading this fabulous book that makes me put my head on it and think about how beautiful it is. I feel like I'm every narrator in it.

I've been writing a lot which I guess I'll start posting on here. I've been hanging out in cafes, and drinking earl grey tea out of pretty tea cups, and forgetting to notice how pretty they are for too long.

Tomorrow I have to apply for jobs which I desperately want and don't want. Not even a year left of this Susan. Not even a year left Susan. Just a couple months and then you'll have money. That's all I've ever wanted. To be able to take care of myself.